Finding Peace In Gods Plan

I have been wondering to myself......after such a heavy post about Christians burial, how do I get back into writing a post?

Many of you might be wondering how I am doing?

For the most part I am doing OK.

I still have my teary moments.

Jan. 20 the day of my miscarriage was the start of a few weeks of numbness and total crying.

There was quite a bit of stress between hubby and I.

Part of the stress was him saying, he might not want anymore kiddos.

He and I took the loss differently........I thought he did not care.

Hubby does care but did not have the dreams yet, that I had for this baby.

Hubby was not the one to carry this baby OR miscarry him.

Part of my hurt is from the medical staff.

My mind struggles with the lack of caring I feel from my DR. and his staff.

I never got a card or just a call to see how I was doing......

DR never once said he was sorry for my loss.......

all I got was a hefty bill in the mail a few days ago....that was after insurance!!!!

Hubby and others tried to remind me I have 6 beautiful kiddos already.

I know I am blessed with 6 kiddos......but Christians life mattered.

He was here, I loved him.

 He too IS my child......just one that I will never get to hold here on earth.

 That's what most people don't get.

This was NOT a just a "pregnancy"  or a number in the family line up

this WAS my BABY!

I had dreams for this baby.

 Clothes I had bought for him (just a few).

A blanket I was dreaming and planning to make.

Dreams of cloth diapers hanging on my cloths line!

A box of maternity cloths I had unpacked, washed and hung in my closet.

I cleaned up my small fountian I use for relaxing sound in my room and

found all my pregnancy CD's and music 

I like to listen to while dreaming about baby and sipping pregnancy tea!

I started doing my nightly pregnancy drawings...I will miss that.

I had dreams of where the crib would go

and the new bunk beds I wanted to get for the girls room.

Christian was due Aug. 28.......before the school cutoff date

Things were perfect~

I had dreams of holding and smelling my baby.

I dreamt of hearing all the little newborn squeaks and sounds.

I dreamt of watching my other kiddos love on their brother.

I dreamt of the camaraderie that is felt when our home adds a new member.

How cool it was to find out Christmas morning that we were expecting?

It was such a joy filled holiday!

A story I wanted to share with Christian over the years!

We planed to share our good news with the kiddos (and the world) on Valentines Day...I would have been 12wks 1day.

So many dreams for Christian that will not happen.

I morn the loss of those earthly dreams for him and I.

Women......some  most of us are dreamers and planers.

It IS devastating when the PLAN changes without our consent.

We are reminded that WE are not in control......but that GOD is!

Hubby and I have mended things and he does miss this baby we lost.

And there IS hope to be pregnant again.

We are just taking things one day at a time.

There is always good in Gods plans......I don't know what lays in store for me and my family, but

I trust in HIM.

 With each passing day I am finding peace in a HIS plan for my life.

Today, I will feel the warmth of the sun shining down on my face

and choose to see Christian there.....in things not of this world,

but of the heavens......seeking peace in GODs plan, not my own.

I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!

Peace and Love,

Georgiann