Friday, February 25, 2011

The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Cake!

I so love to read this book with my kiddos!
Reading books with your kiddos is beneficial in so many ways!

Reading to your children......

Expands their vocabulary
Creates bonding and memories
Helps with thinking skills

The Very Hungry Caterpillar is my favorite childhood book, since first grade~
We have about 5 copies laying about our house!
I love all the holes in the book....such a cool idea! Saturday night and the page with the moon are two of my favorite pages!

My play date yesterday went good....I cleaned the house real quick and made a pineapple upside down cake..... delish!   So easy good! My house smelt heavenly!

Have a terrific weekend!

Peace and Prayers,

More Snowy Day Pictures~

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Snowy Day Fun~

I pray you are having a wonderful day~
Today schools are 2 hours late and there is no I invited one of Jackies friends over for a play date.....the mom and I are friends too. So I guess I have a playdate as well.
My house is a bit of a mess......a bit beyond the 10 second tidy. She won't be here for a few hours, so I do have some time.....but I better get off the computer and get started here in a minute!
I think I will pop a pineapple upside down cake in the oven for us to snack on later.
I can smell it cooking already......
Hot bubbley butter and brown sugar.......sweet pineapple and yellow cake....**sigh**
Well my son just came in the door and said,
"the bus driver would not let me on the bus with my hot cocoa"!!!
Go figure?
I told him she wouldn't but he asured me that was not so!
Now I'm off to clear my van of snow and drive him to school!
OH the joys of motherhood......***BIG SMILE*** sigh

Peace and Love,

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

::My Living Room::

A few days ago I decided to rearrage my living room. I will admit it did not take to long but I was draging my feet. I wasn't sure were to put things and in the end only moved a few things around. It does feel nice to freshen things up!
So here are the before pictures.
{remember I started moving things around before I decided to take the pic.}

                                               BEFORE PICS.


I'm liking the small change to my living room. The girls now have better access to their doll house and have been playing with it non stop since I moved it to its new spot!

Today up here in the Pacific Northwest we finally got a bit of snow last night. There is a winter storm advisory until 10am Thursday (tomorrow). We woke up to a few inches of the white stuff on the ground this morning, but the roads were clear.
So it was school and work on a normal schedule. :(

The cool air has made my Litttles that stay home with me hibernate just a bit longer than usual this morning!
{giving me time to blog}
 My kiddos are now stirring about,wanting me help them get ready to go out and play in the snow!

This is what the living room can look like when the girls are getting their shoes on! :)

Well my momma duties are calling me.
I  mean to say, I want to go love on my kiddos~
I love being a mother.......its not a duty!

My today will filled with doing many things together WITH my kiddos, not just FOR them.....
playing in the snow {and taking pictures}
 making pancakes
sipping hot cocoa and eating Girls Scout cookies
snuggling in front of the fire place and reading many stories
letting the girls take a hot bubble bath and smelling their clean blow dried hair
are just a few things I want to do with my kiddos today!

How about you?
What do you want to do with your kiddos today?

WOW the snow is really coming down.....
got to go.......the cocoa is ready!
I will post some pic's tomorrow of our snowy day!
See ya then~
Peace and Love,

Monday, February 21, 2011


Well 2 of my kiddos went with my sister {their Auntie} and her hubby to  go snowboarding up at the local MT.
I pray they are having a fun but safe time sliding down the MT.......but with boys its hard to imagine both fun and safe at the same time! lol I'm sure my sister won't let them do anything stupid!

So while a few of my kiddos are gone with my sis and another few off playing with friends, I am going to attempt to rearrange the living room. I started stirring things around already but think I will snap a picture of the before. It will be more dramatic that know more of a mess! It should look way better in the after pic. or so I hope?
Well I guess I better quit stalling and get busy?
The way my mind seems to work is......stir stuff around for a bit......trying to get an idea of where to put what....get the creative juices flowing, then get confused and not know what to do next as I sit it a messy pile of stuff!

Do any of you do the same thing? or I'm I the only one?

OK wish me luck and say a few prayers........I am off to get to work!


Friday, February 18, 2011

LOVE is...............


I pray you are having a good day!


Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy St.Valentines Day~

North Dakota House passes bill criminalizing killing unborn from conception.!

Today was the day we were supposed to announce to the kids and world we were"pregnant"!
I do hold onto hope that we will one day be able to make a pregnancy announcement sometime
 in the future!

We had our Valentines celebration dinner last night as today, hubby and my oldest have baseball.
Yesterday, here in the Pacific NW it was sunny ......not our usual rain and wind!
(yucky weather is the forecast for the rest of the week)


I took a ton of pictures of my day and the LOVE that was shared.
I watched out my kitchen window as the kiddos played in the warm sun.
I opened up the windows of the house and let the breeze drift in.
I put my "fresh cut grass" Scentsy wax in my warmer! :) sigh*
I washed my bedding and hung it out on the clothes line.
I had tea and cookies with a Church friend and talked about my miscarriage.......
Noah and I dipped strawberries in chocolate to eat at our special dinner.

I cooked marinated steak on the grill and made Prickly Pear Cooler for us all to drink....its made by Tastefully Simple!  Its so pink and boy is it delish!

Our family meal was fun and special......time spent together..... a clean table...good food. What can be better? sigh***

Jarett our oldest is missing from the table.....he had baseball training!

Last night I stayed up way to late to start a NEW BLOG.
My new blog will be MY place to write about my miscarriage and journey through my grief.
My blog here The Garden Gate is my main blog and I will still post here.  On occasion I will talk about my loss of baby Christian as it is and will always be a part of my life, but I felt I needed a place just for Christian and those feelings.
 The Garden Gate is my happy place!

After staying up way to late........I came to bed to find 2 kiddos and a Pillow Pet not in THEIR spots, but in mine! I do love the family bed.......but their NEEDS to be room for momma
in her own bed! sigh**

Have a peaceful day FILLED with LOVE!!!!!



Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Finding Peace In Gods Plan

I have been wondering to myself......after such a heavy post about Christians burial, how do I get back into writing a post?

Many of you might be wondering how I am doing?
For the most part I am doing OK.
I still have my teary moments.

Jan. 20 the day of my miscarriage was the start of a few weeks of numbness and total crying.
There was quite a bit of stress between hubby and I.
Part of the stress was him saying, he might not want anymore kiddos.
He and I took the loss differently........I thought he did not care.
Hubby does care but did not have the dreams yet, that I had for this baby.
Hubby was not the one to carry this baby OR miscarry him.
Part of my hurt is from the medical staff.
My mind struggles with the lack of caring I feel from my DR. and his staff.
I never got a card or just a call to see how I was doing......
DR never once said he was sorry for my loss.......
all I got was a hefty bill in the mail a few days ago....that was after insurance!!!!

Hubby and others tried to remind me I have 6 beautiful kiddos already.
I know I am blessed with 6 kiddos......but Christians life mattered.
He was here, I loved him.
 He too IS my child......just one that I will never get to hold here on earth.
 That's what most people don't get.

This was NOT a just a "pregnancy"  or a number in the family line up
this WAS my BABY!

I had dreams for this baby.

 Clothes I had bought for him (just a few).
A blanket I was dreaming and planning to make.
Dreams of cloth diapers hanging on my cloths line!
A box of maternity cloths I had unpacked, washed and hung in my closet.
I cleaned up my small fountian I use for relaxing sound in my room and
found all my pregnancy CD's and music 
I like to listen to while dreaming about baby and sipping pregnancy tea!
I started doing my nightly pregnancy drawings...I will miss that.
I had dreams of where the crib would go
and the new bunk beds I wanted to get for the girls room.
Christian was due Aug. 28.......before the school cutoff date
Things were perfect~
I had dreams of holding and smelling my baby.
I dreamt of hearing all the little newborn squeaks and sounds.
I dreamt of watching my other kiddos love on their brother.
I dreamt of the camaraderie that is felt when our home adds a new member.
How cool it was to find out Christmas morning that we were expecting?
It was such a joy filled holiday!
A story I wanted to share with Christian over the years!
We planed to share our good news with the kiddos (and the world) on Valentines Day...I would have been 12wks 1day.
So many dreams for Christian that will not happen.
I morn the loss of those earthly dreams for him and I.

Women......some  most of us are dreamers and planers.

It IS devastating when the PLAN changes without our consent.
We are reminded that WE are not in control......but that GOD is!

Hubby and I have mended things and he does miss this baby we lost.
And there IS hope to be pregnant again.
We are just taking things one day at a time.

There is always good in Gods plans......I don't know what lays in store for me and my family, but
I trust in HIM.

 With each passing day I am finding peace in a HIS plan for my life.

Today, I will feel the warmth of the sun shining down on my face
and choose to see Christian things not of this world,
but of the heavens......seeking peace in GODs plan, not my own.

I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!

Peace and Love,

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Christian Alexander....Precious In God's Eye's

and our eyes too~ 

                      Christian Alexander
                            Jan. 20 2011
                    Lost to miscarriage at
                          8 weeks 4 days!

This is the box we used to put Christian's remains in.

Yesterday morning after seeing Ginny's Wednesday mimi Yarn A Long,
I decided to knit a small blanket square to put in Christians box with him.
My daughter Jackie wanted to put her cross pin in the box too.
In the end......I wanted to keep them both.
I did not put the items in the box.
I have tears right now.....I feel, I should have put the items in the box with Christian.
But he does not need the knitted square.....
Its so hard to decide what to do, because once items are in the box and buried, you can't get them back.
But now I changed my mind......I want to put the items in and can't.
I want Christian to have them......I want them IN the box with Christian~
Everything is so final.
The blue yarn I used for the square was going to be used to knit Christian's socks for his homecoming from the hospital in August.
A day that will never come.
I am trying to go easy on my self!

Those that wanted to put letters and pictures in the outer plastic container could.
We did all that at home. I wrote a letter to my son...I might share it in the future?
I'm not sure?
Jackie also drew a picture of her brother, I will share it soon.
Jackie also told me that I had to make everyone go to the burial!
At first I gave the kids a older 2 did not want to go.
Jackie said, it was their brother and I needed to make them go!
She was right...... so smart! I'm glad she made me!

Pictured above is the letter Jackie my 5yr old daughter wrote it reads:
Dear Christian,
I am sorry that you died.
I will come to your funeral.

The burial was simple and small.......just hubby our 6 kiddos and 2 people from the cemetery.
Faye(from the cemetery) blessed the ground with Holy Water then read a few prayers and a scripture.
We prayed the Our Father out loud together and then hubby put the box with
Christian's remains into the ground.
All the kiddos wanted to help fill the dirt back in, and as they did,
I took a few pictures.
Adam the other worker tamped the ground and placed the grass back.
Jackie then, placed a potted plant of baby red roses with a small heart shaped plant pick and a tiny heart shaped
 I love you balloon.
I also put a blue tag with Christian's name and the date he was miscarried on a pick in the pot of roses.
I hope to eventually purchase a grave marker but they are about $800.
So for now that will have to wait.
I am just so thankful Christian is buried in sacred ground, with dignity and respect!


I will admit that I was not expecting to see a fancy tent and chairs laid out for us......
for Christian.
It was beautiful.......truly beautiful!

Noah (8) made this Catholic momma so proud......he whips out his rosary beads! *sigh!
I love you Noah~

I never realised how tall my older two boys have gotten.
Jarett is 16 and Jacob will be 14 tomorrow (Feb. 4)
Boy I look short! I am 5.5! I did not think that was to short, but wow~

Both the girls really wanted to help the boys with the dirt!

After the burial we went as a family to our favorite buffet restaurant for dinner.
It felt good to be together.
When we got home a few of us played Monopoly for a while, then watched American Idol.
Last night my husband and I.......well things HAD been stressful around here between us.....
 I never felt closer to him than last night!

Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers as our family (mainly me)
works through my grief.

Peace and Love,