Monday, January 31, 2011


Well I have been thinking about this post and what I will write.
I feel very vulnerable and my emotions are raw......very raw.
Deep breath........
After my ultrasound appointment on Jan.18 (Tuesday) when my DR told me I had a chemical pregnancy,
he said that I would NOT have any large clots. He said there was not placenta or "doll" going to come out!
I know.....whats with the word "doll", that was the DR's words not mine!
DR said, that with a chemical pregnancy the baby never implanted.
 I was relieved to not to have to frantically keep checking the toilet for a I had been all that weekend.

Two days later on Thursday Jan. 20 2011 at 8:50am a large very firm clot dropped out then a gush of blood. There was no mistake about it. It was my baby(embryo) or the start of one. I waited until 9:15 and called the DR's office to see what I should do. I left a message with the nurse to see if DR wanted to sent it to the lab.

Two hours later the nurse called me back....I said "hello", but she was to busy talking to the other nurse to hear me. She was telling her that "she had to call this goofy lady, wish me luck!"
I guess wanting find out answers is goofy! Did the pregnancy fail due to low progesterone?
Does this nurse think a woman that is 42 yrs. old with 6 kids already is goofy to want another child?
My baby DID start to develop! Why did the DR NOT see that?
The nurse informed me that.......
 DR does NOT think the "thing" that came out had ANYTHING to do with my miscarriage!!!!!!
So just flush it or through it away! I am embarrassed to say, it is still in a Ziploc bag in my bathroom!
As a Catholic I wanted to get my Holy Water vessel filled and do a blessing or something.
I was stuck at what to do?

It was also a teary day for me when my DR's office called to let me know, "I had forgotten my ultrasound appointment on Tuesday Jan 25." I forgot to cancel my previously made appointment. So I was reminded of a day that was going to be a joyful one.....when I made the appointment! I guess I was supposed to call and cancel it??????  I figured they would know that I would no longer need it!

I had my neighbor/friend over for lunch a few days later and had a cry. She is of a different faith (I won't say which faith, as I am not writing this to throw my friend and Her faith under my bus).
But is apparent to me that other faiths feel differently about life and death......and when LIFE starts etc...
My neighbor/friend said, "I should just through out my Ziploc bag. I was just being emotional and it was NOT a baby!" She thought I was going overboard to want to bury it in the backyard. I was caught in limbo. I did not really WANT to bury my baby in the backyard. I would be mortified if my dog dug it up! But flushing it or throwing it out in the trash was NOT an option!

I guess I kept blocking things out and finally this weekend the tears came and would not stop.
I talked to our visiting priest (FR. Jerri) at church on Saturday night as I was getting my holy water vessel filled. He told me to call the Catholic Cemetery and they would bury the remains with respect!
So this morning I did just that! I feel tearful but good!
Tomorrow after MOPS I will go to the cemetery and pick out a spot  for the burial and make arrangements. The funeral home needs a day to get the ground and things ready, so the small ceremony and burial will be on Wednesday Feb 2 in the afternoon.

I am pro life. I believe life starts at conception. I am so filled with tears of joy and relief right now.
The Catholic funeral home and cemetery were very kind and understanding. She said, that it is FREE and I am not weird. There are many other miscarried babies there, and I did the right thing!

I will now have to figure out the spelling of this baby's name and pick a middle name!
My baby (embryo) had a SOUL and matters to God. He matters to me and my family!
He should and WILL be treated with respect and dignity.
For that I am truly JOYFUL!

Peace and Love,


  1. Oh, Georgiann! I'm so sorry you've been treated so callously. (((hugs)))

    I'm glad Fr. Jerri was able to help and that your child will have a proper burial.


  2. I am sorry to hear of such a bad attitude for God's creation. They cannot say that it is a baby or that would take away their ability to deal with abortion! Satan's lies at work there.
    I am sorry you had to deal with such an attitude at a time when you are vunerable! Thoughts and hugs your way...

  3. Georgiann,
    I'm so happy that you have found some loving kindness come your way. You are exactly right that what you are going through is so very hard!! Someday things will feel better--but for now be sure that you do what helps you to get through. I think that you are definitely on the right path to healing by following your heart. Don't listen to the naysayers and those who don't understand. I'm sure that they mean well and feel the need to say something helpful. Just let it roll over you.

    Praying for the Lord to uphold you and lead you through this to healing.

  4. I am so sorry for your loss! And for the lack of understanding on the part of those you trusted. I am glad that you were able to find a place to bury your precious little one. God bless and my prayers are with you.

  5. Dear Georgiann,
    I am so sorry you had to endure so much pain in every way. What a wonderful Catholic priest and cemetary to help you and your family grieve with respect for your little one. He is in Heaven and watching over you all too.

    I know in my heart you will search for a new physician, so I don't even think I need to suggest it. I left one years ago who asked me if I wanted to keep the subsequent pregnancies after the loss of our baby boy. He performed them, I found out. In the middle of my last pregnancy, I wrote him a letter and told him I could not remain going to a physician who had worked so diligently to aid ( by finding out why I could not get pregnant to begin with)us at one time, only to keep suggesting to me that I abort so many others! We had three more children born after the loss of little David!
    Needless to say, he didn't care..after going to him all of those years, he didn't even have the decency to call or write me and say anything. They are a sad bunch, those who take blood money or act as if any Creation by God is a "thing." THEY need prayers desperately..I would not want to have to answer to the things that they will have to answer to. You hurt today, yet one day, you WILL rejoice. I just wish I could be there with you. You have been such an inspiration to me on family. Please know your little one wants to to be the sweet and happy momma as always..okay? I love you, good friend, so far away. I send a good strong loving hug to you. Suzanne

  6. I'm so sorry to read of your loss. May the Lord bring you comfort and blessing.

  7. Dear Georgiann!! I am so sorry you are going through this - I most definately know and understand what you are going through!! I only wish that I had the closure you have with your Caltholic Cemetery. I can't even begin to write what went on with my second miscarriage - just that the honorable way that your baby will be treated is something I envy!! Even though I have had more children since that time I am haunted by my loss (although I know he and I are in God's hands!!) And yes, like you I miscarried at home - it's just that I was scared, lost and very sick so I did not know what to do!!! I am praying for you daily and think of you often. Praying for healing for your soul and body!!!


  8. Dear Georgiann,
    I am new to your blog, and I found you by way of Danielle.
    I am so sorry to hear of your loss and how you were treated by the dr. and staff. It is very good that the Catholic funeral home is so understanding.
    I have 7 living children and 5 little ones in heaven with Jesus, so I know of your pain.
    Just a thought, maybe you already know of it, but there is a website for older moms. It was very helpful for me. You might want to check it out.
    Blessings to you,


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