Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Feeling Down

My 3 youngest kiddos at Christian Alexander's grave.
We still need to buy a stone, but for now we just have a in ground vases to mark his spot.
He is buried at the was FREE of charge.

I wasn't going to write this post till I was emotionally feeling better and well......I decided it might make me feel better to write.
My test results of my month long NaPro blood draws came in the mail today......and the tears seem to have found me this muggy afternoon. The hot weather and being tired is not much help to my raw emotions. Its been a long day of going up to the JR High for "get your stuff" day. The 7th graders had to go really early and the 9th graders had a later time. It was crowded and no fun. I got the results in between the 2 treks up to the school. I felt like bawling the whole time I was up there. It was a challenge to hold it together. My mind was esle where to say the least.

So what did the result say, you may ask?

low estrogen and low progesterone in my post ovulatory phase

The words that really make me cry was reading:

This could account for the miscarriage that you had and may put you at risk for further miscarriage or infertility.

WOW that hurts....I mean really hurts!
Due to low hormones Christian died!
I know it was not my fault.... I don't blame myself. I just want him back!
My due date was to be Aug. 28 in just 4 short days.....I remember the JOY and the feeling of carrying him. My clothes were getting tight......I had big dreams! I miss him so much!

Deep Breath..........

So the plan is to take 4 injections of HCG on peak +3 +5 +7 +9 then go in for a blood test.
The pharmacy that can fill my prescription is about a 3 hour drive, so they will mail me my 4 pre-mixed injections. It seems I was told that this HCG is hard to find because many diet pill companies have bought it all up! Crazy I know!  I was also told that I must pay for my meds in FULL before they mail them to me. I must then wrangle with my insurance company!
What I have is considered PMS. (that's how it is billed)

Post edit {there is hope of becoming pregnant soon, after my hormones are corrected}

You can read here about low estrogen .

I was also told I have a elevated fasting GLUCOSE of 111 and should be under 100.
It is recommended to lose weight,exercise and limit refined flour and sugar.
I have been working really hard the past few weeks to do all that!
I also need to make an appointment with my regular Dr. and see if he wants me to start checking my blood sugar at home. Though at this point I would not need meds for my pre-diabetes.

I feel drained......and hubby's home so I'm going to close this post for now.
I will eat some dinner and then go to bed early!

Peace and Love,


  1. Dear Georgiann,
    I am sorry to hear that your results are not what you were wanting to hear and that you are feeling down. I will be praying for you.
    I do believe that cutting out the refined food will be very beneficial - after all what we take into our bodies does affect its internal workings! I saw a feature on a television programme just the other evening on some ladies who had lost weight simply by exercising and cutting out the refined foods and replacing them with much more wholesome food. No shakes or special diets. One lady had a very simple approach, each week she would choose just one detrimental food to remove from her diet. Pasta one week, sugar the next - all the 'white stuff' as she said was gradually removed from her home in her step by step approach. She lost quite a dramatic amount of weight and her health improved no end.
    We began the Maker's diet several years ago and saw the benefits it brought to our family's health but it is still all too easy to make compromises and allow the 'white stuff' back in - simply because you do get better results when you bake with the white flour which makes everything rise so nicely but I've noticed that even with limited use of refined food our health begins to suffer - more colds and sinus infections, skin eruptions etc so I'm going to make a concerted effort to return to the wholegrain products, more brown rice based meals and less macaroni and cheese dishes! Especially as I approach those years when I know my hormone levels will be dropping which I know is natural but I'm going to do my best to keep everything in balance and will turn to God's pantry first. I know you will reap the benefits of your CSA farm outings and I hope you have fun putting together lovely nutritious meals with all the beautiful fresh produce you find there. If there is any way in which I can encourage you or be of support please feel free to email me - I'm beginning to research all the natural foods/herbs which help to balance hormones as I don't intend to go through what my mother did during her menopause which I am certain was a result of her very poor, highly processed diet.

  2. Thank you Ann for such encouraging words!
    I cut all white stuff out in the weeks before our vacation in June/July. Then fell off the wagon. I jumped back on a few weeks ago, before the news of being diabetic (we pre-diabetic)
    Its like saying your a bit You either are or your not!
    If your numbers are high then you need to act.

    I will be taking HCG hormones (4 injections) after I ovulate. My Dr thinks it will restore my fertility and will for sure help with many other problems I've been having.
    Having low hormones can cause depression and lack of concentration and much more. I am glad to have answers to what has been going on for the past 2 years and a DR to take the time to sort it out.

    I'm just sad because if my dr's would have listened and figured it out I would not have lost Christian. I miss him! It took going through a Catholic Dr (3 hours away)and the Pope John Paul Institute in Nebraska.(several states away)
    My due date was Aug 28 and with my last baby I was induced 4 day early as I have BIG babies.
    So last night I could have been having a baby! :)

    After a good nights sleep and some food I feel much better. I don't usually have such pity parties and fill my mind with all the things that could have would have been.

    Thanks for you support and freindship!

    Peace and Joy,

  3. Georgiann,
    (((((Big Hugs))))) sweetie!!! What a world and time we live in when everything seems so harmful--our food, all the chemicals, nuclear meltdowns, etc... Unseen danger all around us--and how it affects us. Sigh.

    I've struggled with hormone imbalance for years and years now. In this next day or two it will mark a whole year since my last cycle. So I have just few precious hours to not officially be menopausal. :-( My sister who had her tubes cut, tied, burned, frozen and whatever else they could do to end her fertility thinks menopause sounds dreamy. "Bring it on" is her battle cry. I just want to cry. I don't want to be done!! But so be it. I've been pregnant 14 times that I know of, given birth 12 times and have 10 living children to show for our efforts. I have trusted the Lord when the babies were coming fast and furious and hadn't had a decent nights sleep in years. Now I must trust Him when my arms long to hold a baby that is MINE. This is not to say that we will never have another baby. But the chances are pretty slim. I know that the Lord is a God of Miracles and I have been on the receiving end of one or two before. So I will continue to trust in Him.

    Being over 45, diabetic and not in the best of health sure doesn't help me out either!! I am capable of reversing the diabetic mess with diet and exercise but need more stability in my life than I have at this point. "Soon", I console myself. Over at she has a few posts about hormone imbalance you can check out on her sidebar. I am hoping to try this myself as soon as I am able.

    Anyway, I'm sorry that the test results weren't as hopeful as you would have liked. I hope and pray the HCG therapy will work miracles and you will yet achieve another healthy pregnancy resulting in a beautiful, healthy baby.


  4. Oh, goodness, Georgiann~I need to come back again when I have more time! Yours is the only blog I wanted to take time to read today and I'm already past my limit just reading through what I am behind with!!! Arugh!
    I understand completely how you feel when you think about Christian and what should have been.
    I know because I feel the same way about Magdalene. Everyone, and I mean, everyone, will tell you not to do that to yourself. Except me.
    Instead, I will tell you that there is a lot of redemption in sorrow, regrets, and grieving. You already know that the pain becomes easier to bear, but I don't think it ever completely goes away. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. And, I don't there is anything wrong with allowing yourself to simply feel what you feel.
    Women in this country have settled for second best when it comes to women's reproductive health care. We have listened to the "experts", even though they are not pro-life and we as women are now seeing the results of it.
    I used to think that it was enough for me to just smile politely while shaking my head no to suggestions of birth control and I put up with the polite counsel...saying, "No thank you, I am Catholic and practice what my church teaches." It never once occured to me that I should actually walk out of that office and seek a completely Catholic and prolife doctor. If I had, those tests would have been standard proceedure at my clinic when I was pregnant in my later years.
    So, where do I go from here? I do my best to educate other Catholic women through the mistakes of my own experience. Some listen, some think I am as weird as the day is short. It matters little to me, other than that I know I should at least try.
    I hope the HCG shots will help you. (I was wondering about the diet thing when I read through the info on my prescription! Now I know what that was all about! But, I didn't have trouble obtaining it. My insurance co. required pre-authorization, which I obtained and we mixed it up here.) My progesterone and HCG were strong on their own, but my doctors feel it beneficial to use as precaution. They honestly do not know why I keep miscarrying. In all instances, though, it has raised my levels, which is what you need yours to do. I know it will work for you!
    As far as loosing weight.........oh boy. Everyone has an opinion on that one too. I will only say that when I eat sugar in any form, whether it be refined sugar, sugar that my body makes on its own from the carbs I put into it; like flours & fruits, I feel terrible. It took me a good month to stop craving sugar. It is not easy and I will pray for you!
    I am so far beyond lunch break it is not even funny! I hope and pray you will find the answers. God bless you, my new friend,


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